Today I find myself in dire need of comfort. I only wish to feel connected, nothing more. that feeling that comes washes over me when i feel the warm embrace of those whom I love. Is it wrong to cry?
I can’t use the internet phone now because they said it’s out of service. I don’t really have access to internet yet. I want to hear the voices of those that I love. If it’s okay to admit… I might be scared. I want to simply go back to where I was, do what I did, and live my life. Simple as that.
But I know that I’m just going through what everyone goes through. i know that I’m simply experiencing separation anxiety. That is the only explanation for it. I’m about to step into… “deep waters” with what I’m about to say. Prepare yourselves!
In discussing some of my feelings with the missionaries here they must have concluded that it was a spirit that comes on us when we are on the missionary field… but, like some of you know me, I believe in natural occurrences, and not that it is always the enemy attacking when we have a bad feeling or experience. I’m sure that there are forces at work attempting to thwart the plan of God… but those probably started from the moment I was asked. So I simply think that this is what happens when you are away from your family, fiancé, and friends.
These people are your base. Besides God, they are the people whom you gain your identity through. They are the ones whom you measure yourself through. Their absence, for me, proves nothing less than a sense of losing who I am. I must now be defined by the people here, and by what they think of my works. I know that I ultimately have my identity in Christ, and that God is my base, but come on! God put people on this earth didn’t He? Did he not command us to interact with them in such a way that suggests you love them as much as your self? Have we not lived in community since the dawn of time? Building small towns, gathering together, approving of marriages, or disapproving, celebrating the birth of children, getting together to party, or any sort of anything like that? Always they have been communities of people.
I am not above missing my family. No matter how much understanding of my situation I have, I am not excluded from the same feelings of loneliness. I am not above feeling sadness over not having those whom I love by my side. I am human. And this is what God has called me to do.
Friday I was given a very strong picture of what it was like here in Cape Town. Thievery and gangs run amuck, and there is no place that has escaped it’s grasp. Even the UTC, Urban Training Center, though located in a particularly nice part of town was robbed yesterday. in fact, one of the missionaries was assaulted. BAP! Hit over the head with craw bar. Stole their money, credit cards, passport, computer, jewelry… everything of value. In just a couple moments time… undone.
But isn’t that the reason we’re here? For people whom would otherwise simply be hated?
The first service I attended, Sunday, was a very eye opening experience. I saw mothers, fathers, and family members stand up as a special call for those who had relatives, sons and daughters out there lost and bound to drugs. When they stood up for the special prayer that was being offered, I felt the pain. The longing for change.
Isn’t that what Mr. Barack has preached us? Isn’t that how he won the heart of most of this nation? He may not be able to do everything we would like him to, but he made us believe he could because he understood how much we, the american people, longed for change. And I think that hunger for change goes deeper than just health care and economy problems, i think it goes to the very root. Sin eats us alive everyday. People are hungry for change to their everyday boredom of a lifestyle they got going for themselves. People are hungry for Jesus.
But the they won’t admit it. They don’t think that what they are really looking for is a relationship with God. not another television show, strip tease, porn video, or new music. entertainment has left us with the illusion that it will make us feel better… but it never does, does it?
My First Trip to Church
First service was travelled to by way of the bus you see here. Truly I feel like we are in mission field. It’s pretty cool. I feel like we are using what the world meant for advertisement, and using it to bring Glory to God. Pretty cool if you ask me. Or Should I Say… “Sexylicious”?
Here are some more of my experiences. o. and i’ve Learned a couple african songs. I have full intention of singing them when i get back.
We rode to church to this.
Good ol' Afrikaans
